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19 December 2009 @ 05:57 pm
Author: bewarethesmirk
Recipient: celandineb
Title: Slick n’ Easy
Pairings: Harry/Draco, Draco/Astoria, Astoria/other, and Ron/Hermione, with fleeting mentions of past Harry/Ginny
Summary: When Astoria Malfoy is investigated for opening an underground lubricant business targeted at Muggles (to painful effect), an irate Draco comes to Harry, though Harry doesn't quite know why. What Harry does know is that he’s noticing very odd things about Malfoy. (Who knew Malfoy had such long eyelashes?)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning(s): Infidelity but not between canon pairing and not very explicit, dark and inappropriate humour, arsehole!Zacharias. Oh, and dirty sex.
Epilogue compliant? EWE
Word Count: ~12,600
Author's Notes: Thank you so, so much to the mods for their everlasting patience. Thank you, first of all, to L, who is always incredibly helpful and willing to listen to me rant. Your support means everything. ♥ Thanks to my betas: L, M1, M2, and M3. You are amazing, and I love you all to bits. Any remaining mistakes are, of course, my own.

celandineb, I stalked your journal and found you don’t mind a bit of crack—in this case it’s more a cracky premise than crack!fic, but I hope you find it amusing. J I tried for my personal favourite genre plot-that-contains-porn. I hope I’ve succeeded! I hope you like this. ♥

( Slick n’ Easy )
boy, why are you crying?: <3 harry/dracoashe_frost on December 20th, 2009 12:22 am (UTC)
Hee! This was really funny and clever. I loved Draco giving Harry the direction to give direction. It fit very well, somehow. =). The title is also amazingly hilarious! Great job!
bewarethesmirk: dm w/o drama!bewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:27 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for reading and for your kind words. I'm fond of the title, as well. :)
elycharielychari on December 20th, 2009 01:14 am (UTC)
i liked your story very much. two minor errors noted:

But Malfoy interrupted before he could embarrass himself. When Harry looked up he saw Malfoy’s face was inscrutable. "Will you owl me and let me know of your decision regarding Astoria and Pansy?"


Malfoy turned to Harry. "Astoria’s moved out of the Manor now. She’s going to move in with Pansy."

Shouldn't this be Astoria and Zach Smith?

(Anonymous) on December 20th, 2009 01:38 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading!

And *giant epic facepalm*. You're very right. I changed my plot at the last moment and originally it was Astoria/Pansy. *g* I must not have caught everything. I've emailed the mods, begging them to let me make a correction here. Thanks so much for calling my attention to this. ♥
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on December 20th, 2009 02:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - bewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lyvchiralove on December 20th, 2009 01:29 am (UTC)
This is so incredibly wonderful! I love the mystery of the potions - and how brilliant to have a crime with such a giggle-worthy name - and the way that Draco is so forceful and Harry is so clueless is just <3. I adore how he keeps coming up behind Harry and grabbing him, lol! And he knows exactly what he wants - and exactly what Harry wants - so brilliant. :D :D :D

And lol! I can't believe the wonderful juxtaposition of Zach being awful and sleeping with everyone he interrogates and Harry being the good guy but still ending up doing it with Draco in the interrogation room. This sort of subtle humor is what makes this fic made of win! <3
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
Lyv, your comments are making me blush. :) I'm so happy you liked this. I'm glad you noticed that Draco had more agency in this (he doesn't in canon very much and even in fic Harry often steals the spotlight). And I'm glad you liked the subtle humor. :) This really made a fic a blast to write. Thanks for reading!
golden_snitch12golden_snitch12 on December 20th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
This was a fun read. Creative story and good characterizations.
bewarethesmirk: h/d kissing lizardspotsbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I tried to be creative, which can be difficult in such a massive fandom. :)
Darry Willis: Dramaramanursedarry on December 20th, 2009 06:30 am (UTC)
Very funny and a clever idea for a crime. I absolutely loved the entire Veritaserum scene from snarky start to smexy finish!
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! The interrogation scene was fun to write. I love banter and UST and dialogue, so that really was a chance for me to enjoy myself.
Stéphdragenphly on December 20th, 2009 09:14 am (UTC)
I loved this! Draco was great, all bossy and demanding and yet surprisingly vulnerable, and I love how Harry was the long-suffering Auror who eventually gives in *grins* And, hahaha, the plot! Fantastic! And I never liked Zach, so good riddance to bad rubbish. This was wonderful! Funny and touching in all the right places and a lovely, enjoyable read!
bewarethesmirk: harry/pron = otpbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked this! :)
snowy_owlsnowy_owl_000 on December 20th, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
Very nice! And hot... Must have been the lube :)
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
Lube can work wonders. ;) Thanks so much!
moonlitdarkmoonlitdark on December 20th, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
Funny, clever and thoroughly enjoyable! Great job! :)
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it! :)
Celandine Brandybuck: draco/harrycelandineb on December 20th, 2009 05:32 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you so very much! This really was just my kind of fic - plotty with a good dollop of UST and nicely-realized supporting characters, snarky!Draco and slightly-clueless!Harry, and a scorching blowjob to top it all off.

I was on tenterhooks after the interrogation room scene - I mean, given what happened to Zach, I was worried when Kingsley came to talk with Harry again! So that was a relief. Had to LOL at Hermione fixing the potion too. Hee. Also brilliant use of Veritaserum... and Harry asking non-specific questions in that scene. Poor Draco!

*grins enormously* Many, many thanks, mystery author - I really enjoyed this story, cracky premise and all!
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:45 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked this! As usual in this kind of format, I was fretting that you might not. ♥
The Rec Ho...ravenqueen55 on December 20th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
Hot, enjoyable, and lots of fun!
bewarethesmirk: dm w/o drama!bewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.
literaryspell on December 20th, 2009 10:34 pm (UTC)
What a fantastic fic! I have to say, your favourite genre is mine as well! This was so well written that I found myself impressed again and again. Your characterizations were very well done, but especially Draco. Harry was good and I loved him in his gentle confusion, but Draco was so perfect. The final scene with the two of them at the bar was fantastic and really summed up their entire relationship. And Draco really epitomises topping from the bottom, doesn't he, with his directions to Harry on how to dominate him! That was classic.

I also thought your Ron and Hermione were perfect. I always love Hermione-the-pervert, and you did it so well! And Ron... I'm glad that you kept him in character and yet didn't make him go overboard. It was nice to not have the ultimatum!Ron where he demands Harry give Draco up.

Finally, the premise of this fic was so funny! I do love Auror!Harry, and I thought the lube thing was just fantastic. Astoria as an idiot was great as well. Wonderful!
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
*blushes* Thank you so much for your kind comments. I love Draco very much - it doesn't come as a surprise that his characterization came off more strongly. :D I always appreciate a cast of supporting characters, too, and I'm glad you enjoyed them here.

Zebrui: Merlinzebrui on December 21st, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
Interrogation room scene was WIN from start to finish *fans herself*

"Do I always have to give instructions?" Malfoy asked, rolling his eyes. "Ask me out, idiot."

*grins* I found it rather hilarious how much effort poor Draco invested throughout trying to bring out the dominant Harry to the surface :) Aw, bless him! Several more shags and dates and he'll get there.

I enjoyed this!
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
*grins* I found it rather hilarious how much effort poor Draco invested throughout trying to bring out the dominant Harry to the surface :) Aw, bless him! Several more shags and dates and he'll get there.

*giggles* That's not how I intended to write it, but that really came out. I don't see Harry as truly dominant - and I like to play around with fanon conventions.
lia_clarissima: H/D Marauder's Maplia_clarissima on December 21st, 2009 09:59 am (UTC)
Hahaha, I'm still laughing over the last scene. My God that would have been so awkward. I really like the premise of this story and your characterisation of Draco. Utterly hilarious.
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! The last scene was very fun to write.
lotus_lizzylotus_lizzy on December 21st, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
Very funny and hot :)
bewarethesmirk: h/d lying down sherantbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! :)
E McGeemelusinahp on December 21st, 2009 04:58 pm (UTC)
Mmm! Man, the angry tension between Harry and Draco is just what I love in the pairing. From the moment Draco swept into Harry's office and virtually pinned him to his desk, I was sitting up and paying attention. So yummy. And I loved how the tension remained, even through the sex scene. It's totally believable and just made the porn that much more, well, awesome. :D

I love the title and the kind of cracky/comedic tone of the story. I laughed quite a few times and spent most of the fic with a huge smile on my face. ♥
bewarethesmirkbewarethesmirk on January 17th, 2010 11:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. :) I can't get enough of the angry tension between between these two ;-)